iraq.

good god.

i didn't even know he'd left.

now his status is :"...is in iraq chillin! hit me up."

you're in iraq you idiot. how the hell are you "chillin"?

CHILLIN!

sorry. that bothers me.

a lot.

don't you know that tons of people back home are going to be worried about you?

maybe not the ones you expect.

i know i'll worry and wonder what you're doing at least every now and then.

you probably don't expect that from me, or any of us. and you probably shouldn't.

and then there's the whole "this is a real place and actual people who i really know are there and they'll probably end up risking their live for no one even knows what anymore" feeling.

and the thought that says "there's that boy and you cannot let him go over there. you cannot let him go through something so terrible. you cannot let him become something he doesn't want to be, a person neither of you know, a person either of you might not love."

^ that one. that's the scary one. that's the one that made you cry only moments ago. the one that made you wish chase was still here so he could talk you down.

and here comes the one that says that if he was still here you might not have a say in whether he goes or not.

too many thoughts. they bounce around my head. they scare me to death.