college?

shit.

holy freaking shit.

you have GOT to be joking.

hell to the no, david blaine!

where we kept all my college savings(about 300K) was GET THIS! part of AIG.

yes, that AIG.

the one, you know, how it's all FUCKED.

THANKS!

good god.

if we'd closed the accounts a month ago and payed taxes on them, we'd have enough to send me, full ride, to Pomona(the one i want most right now) for all four years.

now, not so much.

we'd lost 12,000 dollars when we got our last statement.

there's no telling now that they've gone completely under.

this is going to change everything.

this is about to affect the rest of my life.

thank you, wall street, thank you so much.

you know, we aren't in debt. 

we bought my mom's car in full.

they've been saving that money since before i was even born.

i swear to god.

my dad just said to me, with a slight amount of sincerity, "you better start thinking about going to shelton state"

HELL NO!!

i will not waste myself in this town anymore.

i refuse.

if i can't get out of here, i honestly don't know what i'll do.

this is what i've been looking forward to for years.

this is what has gotten me through all the terrible days when school is just too boring to bare.

this is my freedom.

i cannot have that taken from me.

good god i love america.

------------------------------------------------

yikes.

slightly pissed, eh?

i...just...that's not even an option. no. my mind will not compute that i may have to stay here. i canNOT handle that.

i mean, i do understand if we really can't afford that.

i'm just saying it isn't right or fair to take that away from us, from me.

we are good people who make their payments on time and never cause trouble. 

and all they were doing was holding our money basically. kind of. the whole thing is confusing.

pretty much, our money that we put in there is being taken away because 7% of the population is dumb enough to bite off more than they can chew. THAT is what bothers me. why should my future be stripped away because some idiot in oklahoma didn't pay his mortgage on time? because some deadbeat in maine can't pay her bills? 

this seems unfair to me.

why am i paying for their mistakes?

why must i suffer for their inability to be realistic?

we'll see how this pans out.

but, honestly, if i end up stuck here, i will not be a happy camper.

i'll beat them all to death with my tent rod.

iraq.

good god.

i didn't even know he'd left.

now his status is :"...is in iraq chillin! hit me up."

you're in iraq you idiot. how the hell are you "chillin"?

CHILLIN!

sorry. that bothers me.

a lot.

don't you know that tons of people back home are going to be worried about you?

maybe not the ones you expect.

i know i'll worry and wonder what you're doing at least every now and then.

you probably don't expect that from me, or any of us. and you probably shouldn't.

and then there's the whole "this is a real place and actual people who i really know are there and they'll probably end up risking their live for no one even knows what anymore" feeling.

and the thought that says "there's that boy and you cannot let him go over there. you cannot let him go through something so terrible. you cannot let him become something he doesn't want to be, a person neither of you know, a person either of you might not love."

^ that one. that's the scary one. that's the one that made you cry only moments ago. the one that made you wish chase was still here so he could talk you down.

and here comes the one that says that if he was still here you might not have a say in whether he goes or not.

too many thoughts. they bounce around my head. they scare me to death.