On The Ground.

Last night I went to see the new George Clooney movie. Let me start by saying this was NOT what I expected. Considering it had Anna Kendrick, I was mostly thinking it would be a chick flick. Definitely Not.

Now, I really liked the movie. It was silly in some places, really serious in others, and thought provoking throughout. But most importantly, it was realistic. It begins with a man, not in a "good" place, but content and happy and perfectly willing to continue in the same direction. Then all these things happen, his way of life is threatened, he is given a glimpse of something else that might be even better. But everything falls down around him and if we're honest, that often actually happens. An the whole thing ends with him right back where he started, albeit with a little perspective.

It was refreshing to see a movie that shows how most things actually happen. However, I don't think all movies should do that. This one started with an unlikely situation and normal things unfolded whereas most start with a normal situation and unreasonable things unfold. That's what makes most movies an escape. Which is their purpose. But it was the balance that stayed intact that made this so good. It wasn't completely believable, but it wasn't completely unbelievable.

In short, it was different. And therefore, refreshingly good.

DFTBA

the essay I wrote for University of Chicago on my favorite things(they asked for music, books, and other stuff like that. I added "memes")

John Green and J.K. Rowling are my favorite authors. We all know that Harry Potter has touched many lives and introduced many kids, including myself, to better books, stories, and music. Mr. Green is much less well known, even if many feel he writes just as well. He poses questions few others are willing to ask of young adults, while deeply connecting and understanding someone much younger than himself.

I love all music, even if most couldn't call it music. I feel that music, along with the other arts, allows those of us who aren't so adept to words to still express ourselves. But if I had to choose a style of music that is my favorite I would have to go with Hank Green, who happens to be the brother of John, and Kimya Dawson with their kitschy, sort of talentless, yet refreshing music. Kimya Dawson was the inspiration for the music in the highly popular movie Juno and Hank is a YouTube sensation. Neither cares that they are nowhere near what most would call "good", however, they still sing because it is fun and it means something to them. They set an example that if you love something, you can simply create it for yourself.

Incidentally, Hank and John Green are the creators of my favorite, for lack of a better word, meme, Nerdfighters. Nerdfighters are made of awesome. They fight WorldSuck, the things that make the world suck more, like hungry children or malaria. Nerdfighters are simply about making the world better by connecting thousands of people all over the world who are, put simply, a bit offbeat. As John Green sais, "A lot of life is about doing things that don't suck with people who don't suck." We even have a slogan, Don't Forget to Be Awesome.

6/22/08

today was remarkable because absence really does make the heart grow fonder. i want him down here. please.

i'm awful...

i haven't done a remarkable moment in MONTHS.

crap.

don't hate me, please?

kthanks!

today isn't over yet.

so i'll do yesterday.

mainly, this entire week will be remarkable because i am where i am. in the middle of a nature preserve. in the middle of one of the most beautiful beaches i've ever seen.

today's should be better. we're going to Seaside and driving down 30A.

...i've been waiting two years to do this. i've become obsessed with these towns and the way people live and feel in them. i wanna live here. i wanna love here.

I wish I had these words.

and after all, you're my wonderwall.

i am breathing.

i have people who love me.

and i will keep going.

and that's pretty damn remarkable.

"don't wonder why people go crazy.

wonder why they don't.

in the face of what we can lose in a day,

in and instant,

wonder what the hell it is that keeps us together."

sealion :)

having a very nice discussion of values and such with Mike.

my remarkable moment is a tie.

i haven't had one of these sorts of convos in a while.

it's either this or getting accepted into Honor Society/Beta Club.

this wins.

yay Mike :)

yay new perspectives.

yay new ideas.

boo stupid people.

anyway, i've had a decent day. my spanish class may murder me, but i WILL have an amazing lunch.

what's 17 hours divided by two?

i didn't wait for any storms to pass...

i danced in the rain.

that is my remarkable moment.

yes, it's one am.

DEAL.

also, i have GOT to get me some sleep. up in 5 hours. :(

ory2

hello, world.

or, small slice of world that reads this.

so....today's moment...wasn't really a moment.

more like a ton of moments all strung together.

mostly, people make me happy.

and the happiness that they invoke in me is remarkable in the face of...not happy things.

my...strength and the support of those around me.

that's what was remarkable today.

<3

ORY1

first of many one remarkable year posts.

yes, i know i'm four days late. DEAL.

i don't know if i'll always get to do it. but i'll try. and i'll try hard.

mmkay. most remarkable thing that happened today : people listened.

and they listened well.

and they didn't need to say anything.

no mouths necessary, just eareyes.

C & S, thank you. from the deepest depths of my heart, thank you.

and you may be needed again.

we'll see how things go the next few...well, as long as this lasts.

you can find one remarkable year at:

youtube.com/user/oneremarkableyear

oneremarkableyear@gmail.com

here's to hoping yours (and mine) are as remarkable as possible.

woulda killed me 6 months ago. absolutely murdered me.

Hold me down, don’t ever let me go
I’m a photograph, of someone who used to care
I’m a dropout, think about it, Baby that ain’t cool
You knew me then
and I’m headed straight back there
well I should've loved you more, and I shoulda been more ready
But I’m learning as I go, don’t you know there are days when it hurts so bad
everybody changes with a chance, and I came around,

sleepless nights, drowning at the bar
when it comes to mind
blood rushes to my head
like a sad song all along I’m the one who’s scared
the won who lost and a fool to pay the cost
I shoulda done my best and I shoulda loved you steady
but im learning as I go, don’t you know there are days when it hurts so bad
everybody changes with a chance,
yeah but I’m learning as I go, don’t you know there are days when it hurts so bad
everybody changes with a chance, and I came around,

I came around

I shoulda loved you more and I should've been more ready
Well I should of changed before it really was too late
Oh but baby that’s before everything just all fell down
but I’m learning as I go, don’t you know there are days when it hurts so bad
everybody changes with a chance,
yeah I’m learning as I go, don’t you know there are days when it hurts so bad
everybody changes with a chance, with a chance
and I’m learning as I go, don’t you know there are days when it hurts so bad
everybody changes with a chance, with a chance
and I’m learning as I go, don’t you know there are days when it hurts so bad
everybody changes with a chance, I came around

I came around

are you inuit?

i was just told quite possibly the nicest thing anyone could say to me.
ever.

"you should've been born in alaska or native american.
that way you could've been one of those healers. you're good at it.
you've healed wounds i didn't even know i had."

now, if i'm not mistaken, that's pretty damn amazing.
if you've read the post before this, you know what i want to do.
but, that's the main purpose behind what i want to do.
i want to heal the wounds you can't see.
that's it.
that's the only way, i believe, i can leave this place a little bit better than when i left it.

if you are the wonderful person who said this to me, THANK YOU.
i'm not sure if you are aware of how much of an impact that had on me. so thanks. and i love you.

seriously heartgasm worthy. :D

caring without so many atrocities.

college psychologist.

college counselor.

counseling service.

whatever you want to call it.

it's not a psychiatrist. i have serious issues with prescribing medication to reverse a "problem".

i don't even really think there are problems. at least, not in that sense. the kids i want to deal with are those who have gotten in over their heads or something has happened and aren't sure how to handle it.

i could easily get kids[why am i calling them kids?] people who've been through serious things i can't handle before, but they've been through it, as in...not exactly past it, but not in need of services i can't provide.

the entire reason i can't do full on therapy is that i cannot handle that.

it is inborn that i honestly care about people. sometimes this has downsides. however, i don't think i would want to do it at all if i didn't care.

i care, therefore i am emotionally invested.

if i'm dealing with the problems of these people, they will pretty much become my problems. that's just the way i am. can't help it.

i cannot do that.

i will literally go insane and need a therapist of my own if i see the glass half empty with a hole in the bottom(i <3>

if i have a person who needs plain out therapy, they are in the wrong place.

i talk to the girl who's behind on exams because her father is in the hospital.

i don't think you come in, we talk about your issues, and i fill out a little form to give you drugs to "fix" you.

admittedly, there are situations when prescriptions are necessary. 

i believe in you come in, we talk about your issues and we keep talking about it. we talk through and decipher....why.

in my mind, it's a much more satisfactory way of changing someone's perspective.

i don't want to tell you what's wrong with you.

there isn't anything wrong with you or your personality.

there is no right and wrong when it comes to personality. there's some weird and some off but there isn't any wrong. unless, i suppose, you're posing a danger to people.

you tell me what has you down, stressed out, whatever.

even things like ADD, some people see that as a problem that needs to be corrected.

i see that as a part of who you are, which may or may not cause you trouble. if you need medication to pass classes, that's fine, but you shouldn't be made to think there is anything intrinsically wrong with you.

i talk to the kid who has panic attacks in the middle of class.

mostly i hope to show you that you're okay. nothing is wrong. this too, shall pass.

which, sometimes, i try to do already.

wuuv, twoo wuuv.

As humans we intrinsically shy away from loving someone fully.
Everything we've ever been taught about self protection tells us not to give away that much of ourselves.
There are so many reasons not to. There are so many scenarios that could go wrong.
But, that's why it's called risk.

some thoughts.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately:

things are good.

despite what it took me to get here, things are good.

it did take a lot to get here.

drama, bad choices, and loss.

that's the strangest part.

the last thing any of us wanted.

and yet it brought us together in a way we never could have imagined.

i am thankful for that.

i am thankful for many things.

like change.

and finally being okay with being truly happy.

and accepting fright.

and the will to cross lines you couldn't even see.

there are certain thoughts i stray from for they tend to tie my stomach into knots.

such as the ones that truly make you think.

or evoke in you the purest emotions.

even though these are the ones i like best.

i come to realize things in odd ways.

i understand and accept them as fact but do not yet know or feel them as incontestable truth.

these are things i've come to realize lately:

i am happy; truly, finally, and completely.

it is not the end of the world; we keep going.

i do not regret things; at one point it was exactly what i wanted.

tangerines are forever my favorite fruit.

the single proactive thing i can do in this world is to make people feel better.

i have serious doubts i'd be where i am without it.

and, in all honesty, i like where i am.

it's a good place to be, as i said.

mostly: i'm not glad it happened. i'm glad for the way it changed me.

college 2.0

copied from another one when i couldn't find this.

Santa Fe is 1,231 miles away. 

from Claremont, CA it's a 11.5 hour drive. 

it's a $468 round trip from LAX to ABQ. from BHM to ABQ it's $758. 

how the hell am i gonna make that work? 

we won't have fall break next year.

so that's thanksgiving and christmas he'll come home. but i'll probably be gone both of those. then i've got spring break. 

that's like...3 weeks out of 9 months we'll be within 100 miles of each other.

and we can't even handle 4 days.

good god.

college?

shit.

holy freaking shit.

you have GOT to be joking.

hell to the no, david blaine!

where we kept all my college savings(about 300K) was GET THIS! part of AIG.

yes, that AIG.

the one, you know, how it's all FUCKED.

THANKS!

good god.

if we'd closed the accounts a month ago and payed taxes on them, we'd have enough to send me, full ride, to Pomona(the one i want most right now) for all four years.

now, not so much.

we'd lost 12,000 dollars when we got our last statement.

there's no telling now that they've gone completely under.

this is going to change everything.

this is about to affect the rest of my life.

thank you, wall street, thank you so much.

you know, we aren't in debt. 

we bought my mom's car in full.

they've been saving that money since before i was even born.

i swear to god.

my dad just said to me, with a slight amount of sincerity, "you better start thinking about going to shelton state"

HELL NO!!

i will not waste myself in this town anymore.

i refuse.

if i can't get out of here, i honestly don't know what i'll do.

this is what i've been looking forward to for years.

this is what has gotten me through all the terrible days when school is just too boring to bare.

this is my freedom.

i cannot have that taken from me.

good god i love america.

------------------------------------------------

yikes.

slightly pissed, eh?

i...just...that's not even an option. no. my mind will not compute that i may have to stay here. i canNOT handle that.

i mean, i do understand if we really can't afford that.

i'm just saying it isn't right or fair to take that away from us, from me.

we are good people who make their payments on time and never cause trouble. 

and all they were doing was holding our money basically. kind of. the whole thing is confusing.

pretty much, our money that we put in there is being taken away because 7% of the population is dumb enough to bite off more than they can chew. THAT is what bothers me. why should my future be stripped away because some idiot in oklahoma didn't pay his mortgage on time? because some deadbeat in maine can't pay her bills? 

this seems unfair to me.

why am i paying for their mistakes?

why must i suffer for their inability to be realistic?

we'll see how this pans out.

but, honestly, if i end up stuck here, i will not be a happy camper.

i'll beat them all to death with my tent rod.

iraq.

good god.

i didn't even know he'd left.

now his status is :"...is in iraq chillin! hit me up."

you're in iraq you idiot. how the hell are you "chillin"?

CHILLIN!

sorry. that bothers me.

a lot.

don't you know that tons of people back home are going to be worried about you?

maybe not the ones you expect.

i know i'll worry and wonder what you're doing at least every now and then.

you probably don't expect that from me, or any of us. and you probably shouldn't.

and then there's the whole "this is a real place and actual people who i really know are there and they'll probably end up risking their live for no one even knows what anymore" feeling.

and the thought that says "there's that boy and you cannot let him go over there. you cannot let him go through something so terrible. you cannot let him become something he doesn't want to be, a person neither of you know, a person either of you might not love."

^ that one. that's the scary one. that's the one that made you cry only moments ago. the one that made you wish chase was still here so he could talk you down.

and here comes the one that says that if he was still here you might not have a say in whether he goes or not.

too many thoughts. they bounce around my head. they scare me to death.